Blue Eyes and Wallets
by MakaioRed
Summary: Seto Kaiba has become a dictator of a third world country and replaced their currency with one of his own making. Now people have come to protest at his presidencial palace, and Kaiba straightens them out. Only read if you're South African.
1. Commander in Chief

"Sir." The servants always called me by sir. Even when I told them I wanted them to address me as Kaiba-sama. The nerve.

"Yes," I grumbled irritably.

"There is a large group of protestors outside your balcony in the courtyard."

"And?" Sounds like a few people to trying to play hero. Can't they just accept that I'm their new president?

My servant shrugged as I turned to face him, and he bowed. "Their leader wants to discuss the new currency you've created."

"I see. I will address them from the balcony."

"Sir?" Was that concern I heard in the servant's voice? Touching. I invaded this country, overthrew the ruling party, and even went as far as redesigning their currency. And they dare come to my home? I'll show them.

"The shield should protect me," I told the servant.

"Very well sir. Would you like some tea, Mr Hitler?"

I felt a vein twitch in my head at the very confusion of the German with me. "The name's Mr Kaiba, but I guess I could see how you could confuse me with him, this new moustache of mine works wonders."

"Forgive me, sir."

"Go before I rip you a new one."

"Yes, yes."

"Let me go see these 'protestors' outside."

And true enough there were people outside, with sticks and stones and large signs. My patented Kaiba energy shield worked defensive wonders against such third world weapons when they threw those items at me.

"Greetings you South African protestors," I said into a conveniently placed microphone.

"Take a shower after you TAKE Joey," screamed a crazy fan girl.

"My girlfriend has blue eyes, why can't she be the eyes on one hundred blue eyes?" screamed another protestor.

"No dragon no cry," yelled a bearded old man.

Another fan girl screamed, "Have you met Voldemort's donkey? They say Voldy's ass is waiting for you."

"You suck Kaiba," screamed a man very close to the balcony.

"Very well, and I'm sure you swallow." I said into the microphone. "Now, what brings all of you to my humble mansion?"

"We want our old money back!" the crowd shouted.

"Those pitiful rands and cents?" I said.

A man dressed in a white dress jumped into the air and shouted, "Yes my friend-o, we hate these blue eyes coin-o's."

"Yeh falla," another man beside the jumper said, "and there are no more laanies anymore. No one wants this crown."

"Bru, I can't even get a slice of bread with this ten blue eyes note. It's worth more to me recycled."

"America won't accept this money!" a group of well-dressed business-type looking men yelled.

"I see," I said bluntly. These South Africans are always complaining about something. "Enough of your whining you bunch of ungrateful ingrates. What did you have before I invaded this country?"

"A mismanaged country whose government only favoured the minority with BEE," one of the business men screamed.

"And now?"

"A mismanaged country that only plays card games and uses pictures of dragons on all of its money," another business man shouted.

"Your point is?"

"We want our money back," everyone cheered.

"Too bad," I said coldly. "Blue eyes, use white lightning on them." I love being an evil dictator. Look at all those people run. Vegeta can kiss the number one spot of the bad ass list good bye, I'm claiming it now.


	2. Invasion

"Sir." Again, even though I've told them all hundreds of times, they still call me sir.

"It's Kaiba-sama!" I screamed.

The servant dropped to knees and clasped his hands together. "Forgive me, Kaiba-sama, please don't hurt me Kaiba-sama."

Touching, he thinks I'm going to hurt him; it's not that time of day yet. "I only hurt people who could survive the pain I can inflict. You are neither worthy nor strong enough for that opportunity. What did you come here to tell me?"

"Kaiba-sama, our country is being invaded."

Invaded. I think I may have started a chain reaction. Obviously others want a piece of this South African pie. "By whom servant?"

"My name is servant one hundred and five."

If this guy wasn't already working for free I'd fire him. "Get on with your report."

"Yes, yes, the Nigerians are invading."

Oh my Isis, this is good. Maybe they'll make a Nollywood film about me when I beat them senseless. "And? That's it. My blue eyes could defeat them easily, if the South African Armed Forces don't."

The servant stiffened his stance and said, "There's more Kaiba-sama."

It had better be the Tooth Fairy invading. That way I can blow her up and we won't have so many kids running around claiming to be rich. "What is it?"

"The Zimbabweans are also invading."

"Very well, declare a state of emergency, we're going to Kaiba-con one. Send the army to each of theirs."

"Yes, Kaiba-sama," the servant said, pulling out his phone and punching its keys.

"And get the prisoner out of his cell. It's time for my massage."

The servant's left eyebrow lifted up. "Joey - the first lady sir?"

I felt like smacking this fool. "Yes, who else?"

Five hours and a refreshing massage later.

"Kaiba-sama!" servant one hundred and five called.

I'm beginning to think that 'sir' sounds better. "Yes?"

"The army fighting against the Zimbabweans has failed. They started to protest when they saw the army."

"And?" I said. "I assume there is more."

The servant quivered as he said, "Well, the Zimbabwean army started protesting with them."

Great, looks they weren't in the fighting mood. "And?"

"They've turned the other direction and gone into Zimbabwe."

In that cases, that's good news. It looks like someone else's problem now. "Then we are safe."

"Not really sir, while they were protesting, the Nigerian army arrived at the palace."

"And?" I asked, opening a cabinet with a jetpack contained within. I slowly started to strap the jetpack to my body.

The servant extended his hand and pointed to the entrance. "They're outside that door." As the servant said that, several loud bangs came from the door and shouts of 'Kaiba-o'.

"Thank goodness for this jet pack." I lifted off of the ground, passed through a window and flew out of the palace away from the palace grounds. As I left the area, there was a massive explosion from within the building and the palace was destroyed. At least I didn't bring my brother along. Sucks about the first lady though; goodbye Jonouchi.


End file.
